Feedback on a passage I wrote?

Showing rather than telling can be especially difficult in first person narrative. You achieve it in the first paragraph better than in any other. I suggest attempting to eliminate forms of the verb "to be" in order to facilitate active rather than passive language. Also, you might want to eliminate or replace several adverbs. Your structure is good, and your word choices are diverse. One issue you may want to examine is your use of commas without conjunctions, in place of periods or semicolons, which causes awkward pauses for the reader and disrupts your flow. Case disagreement pops up repeatedly in this piece, which may be easily remedied with consistent tense. Overall, I think your words are engaging to the reader, better than most writers. Best thing I think you could do to improve this segment, and make it more "showing" instead of telling, is eliminate passive voice.